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The Color Ruckus/Transcript

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  • [Night: fireworks are cackling in the sky because of the celebration of Independence Day]
  • Uncle Ruckus: [narrorating] My name is Uncle Ruckus and this is the story of my relations. [we see a white man in a brown suit running through the streets] I was born on an unusual circumstances. It was a Fourth of July and I was told it was an especially good night to be born, [now in the man is in a nursing hospital] but that was some bullshit.
  • White Man: [enters a room] I came as soon as I heard. What is it, doc?
  • Doctor: 
  • Uncle Ruckus: Robert, you gotta help me. You black. You understand dysfunctional families.
  • Granddad: Make her leave.
  • Uncle Ruckus: I can't. She's my grandmother.
  • Granddad: You can. Hell, you're old enough to be a grandmother.
  • Nelly: [to Huey and Riley] I don't know who'd wanna keep living in this world. Economy gone down the goddamn toilet, got disease, war, oil spill, fuckin' food shortages. I bet people gonna start eatin' each other. They probably gonna eat them children first. Flesh more tender.
  • Uncle Ruckus: Please, Robert, please. She won't be too much hassle. The doctor said she gonna be dead any minute now.
  • Granddad: No, she can't stay here, and she definitely can't die here. On the front lawn, maybe, but not in the living room. Now, you make her leave or I'm gonna make her leave.
  • Nelly: I know what God really wants, damn it. He wants to kill my motherfuckin' self. That's why he fucks with me. That's why he gave me a fucked-up ass life. But the joke's on him. I ain't gonna give that motherfucker the satisfaction.
  • Uncle Ruckus: You make her leave.
  • Nelly: Nigga, what the fuck do you want?
  • Granddad: Ma'am, it is a pleasure to meet you. And I'm very, very sorry about your impending demise, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
  • Nelly: Motherfucker, I'll leave when I'm dead. Ain't y'all got no food in this raggedy piece of shit fancy fuckin' mansion?!
  • Granddad: Okay, that's enough! I'm not playin' around anymore.
  • Nellie Ruckus: I ain't scared of you, nigga! We can both die in this house tonight!

Mister Ruckus: Okay, we're here. Now, go ahead and die already.

  • Nellie Ruckus: You think you impatient? I've been waitin' to die since the day you was born, you worthless bastard.
  • Darell Ruckus: Guys, can't we do this someplace else?
  • Nellie Ruckus: I ain't movin'! First person to lay a finger on me is gettin' cut!
  • Mister Ruckus: You know what? You've been talkin' that same dyin' shit for 96 years. Now I ain't got all day. Hurry up and die so I can go back home.
  • Nellie Ruckus: Oh, if you got shit to do, nigga, leave! I can die on my own, goddamn it!
  • Mister Ruckus: No, I'm gonna make sure you're dead. Then, I'm gonna celebrate. For the first time in my life, I'm gonna be truly happy. I'm gonna have some balloons, and some ice cream and cake for your motherfuckin' funeral. Them I'm gonna put some cement over your grave so even if the dead come back to life, like in them zombie movies, your ass ain't gonna be nowhere.
  • Darryl Ruckus: Look, guys, enough is enough. We shouldn't do this in other people's houses. Let's go. Come on, Nellie.

Uncle Ruckus: I can't believe it. My own brother with his name tattooed across a white woman's milk glands. Congratulations.

  • Mister Ruckus: Speaking of accomplishments, what you accomplish, boy?
  • Bunny Ruckus: Hush, boy. I'm proud of Uncle. He lives in this beautiful neighborhood around some lovely white people.
  • Mister Ruckus: He live in a shack on the outskirts of town.
  • Bunny Ruckus: He works hard.
  • Mister Ruckus: And still ain't got shit and ain't never gonna have shit. You know what that makes you? A Mexican. Is that what you've accomplished with your life, boy? Being a Mexican. You ain't even got to speak English to be a Mexican. Whose fault is it that you a professional Mexican? Is it my fault?
  • Bunny Ruckus: He's not a Mexican. He's our son.
  • Uncle Ruckus: You always treated me different. You never loved me because... because... because I am adopted.
  • Mister Ruckus: Adopted? Boy, you still believe that shit? Goddamn it, how old are you?
  • Bunny Ruckus: Mister, stop!
  • Mister Ruckus: You still believe you got, what was that called, what you call it, uh, "revitaligo"?
  • Darryl Ruckus: Daddy, come on. That's enough.
  • Bunny Ruckus: He does have revitiligo.
  • Mister Ruckus: You ever heard of anybody else having "revitaligo"? Your mama made that shit up, boy. She thought it be good for your self-esteem if you believed deep down you was white. That's why they shouldn't let dumb bitches read psychology books.
  • Bunny Ruckus: That's not true. We found you on the doorstep. I swear.
  • Mister Ruckus: I don't hate you cause you adopted. I hate you 'cause knockin' up your mama killed my chances of me ever experiencing a single moment of happiness or joy for the rest of my damn life.
  • Bunny Ruckus: Baby, don't listen to him.
  • Mister Ruckus: After that, it was more and more hungry niggas' mouths to feed. All my big plans going right down the shitter. I worked my life away for these damn crackers, still couldn't make my ends meet.
  • Bunny Ruckus: Mister, now you leave the white man out of this.
  • Mister Ruckus: Shut your ass up, Bunny! I'm sick of you talkin' about that goddamn white man all the time. Name one of them who ever did shit for any of you. Huh? Can't do it, can you? Look at what you did. All my kids is some damn Uncle Toms. And you're the worst. A black fool who hates hisself so much, he can't even see what's in front of him in the mirror. Just another black nigga like the rest of us.

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