|Season 3, Episode 33|
|Air date||May 16, 2010|
|Written by||Aaron McGruder|
|Directed by||Young Chan Kim|
Bitches to Rags
The Story of Jimmy Rebel
Watch this episode
To pay off his debts, Ed Wuncler, Sr. bets everything he owns against a Chinese businessman, Mr. Long-dou, on a kickball game between their two teams. Wuncler persuades Granddad into trying to talk Huey (described as the Tiger Woods of kickball "before the wife-cheating thing") into playing the game. However, Huey has refused to play ever since he gave a girl a permanent, severe limp during a game. Granddad forces Huey to go to the field, where Wuncler explains the history of the sport and reveals that the girl was never injured and even has her do a dance to prove it. The scene was staged to get Huey to quit because he was an unstoppable player; Wuncler wanted to win at any cost, even if it meant that Huey would be scarred for life. Wuncler introduces Huey to his team, which he claims is the best in kickball history and includes Blackwater mercenaries and theDominican Republics top junior squad. When Huey still refuses to play, Wuncler tries to blackmail him with a photo of himself wearing Kanye West sunglasses, nut-hugger jeans, and Louis Vuitton driving shoes. This ploy fails, as does Wuncler's statement that everything he owns is at stake - including his banks and the Freemans' house.
On his way home, Huey comes across Mr. Long-dou's granddaughter Ming, captain of the Chinese team. She tells him that it was decided even before she was born that she would be a champion kickball player, and she has trained constantly since the age of three. Without a worthy opponent, she says, she is nothing, and she demands that Huey face her in an ultimate contest to decide who is truly the best of all. Huey refuses and walks off; she kicks the ball hard toward him, and he performs an impressive display of skill to gently return it to her. He agrees to play, but views this face-off as a simple game of kickball and nothing more. Returning to the field, he learns from Wuncler that the Dominican squad has been taken away by the INS, and a helicopter promptly arrives to take the mercenaries to Afghanistan for a mission. Wuncler puts Huey in charge of assembling a new team within two days.Huey gathers players from the neighborhood: Tom Dubois, Granddad, Ed Wuncler III, Riley, Cindy McPhearson, a Tibetan named Jingmei (voiced by actor Dante Basco, who is widely known for voiceing Prince Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender series) who wishes to humiliate the Chinese, Butch Magnus, and Mrs. Von Heusen. Wuncler is furious over these choices, but Huey says that they are the best Woodcrest has to offer. By the middle of the second inning, the Chinese team is leading 4-0 and has physically brutalized Huey's players. Though Huey wants to quit, the others refuse to "go out like a bunch of l'il bitches"; Wuncler persuades Huey to start playing his best and the score is soon 4-3. Seconds later, Gin Rummy sneaks in and kills the referee, who had been bribed by the Chinese by strangling, overdosing and throwing him in the river. During a short break in the game, Ming tells Huey that Mr. Long-dou will send her to a prison camp for athletes who have shamed their country if she loses; she envies Huey for being able to choose to walk away from the sport. Not long afterward, Wuncler brings in a new and (supposedly) impartial referee: Uncle Ruckus, who immediately starts making racist remarks against the Chinese.
Affected by Ming's words, Huey begins to throw the game. However, he overhears two players on base mocking him in Chinese for being fooled by Ming's lies, and he also realizes that she is laughing at him from the bench. Huey remarks (also in Chinese) that he hates being laughed at, revealing that he has understood everything they said, and brutally kicks the ball backwards to knock them both out. He then deliberately hits the next kicker in the stomach to put him out of commission, whereupon the game becomes even more brutal than before and leaves only two players standing - Huey and Ming. With the score tied 8-8 in the last inning, he throws his most powerful pitch, which she kicks directly back toward him, shattering her leg. He catches it, causing his arm to break and the ball to pop, and tags her out with the smoking remains as she tries to crawl to first base before he faints. Woodcrest is declared the winner, and Wuncler leaves Huey's team to bask in whatever glory they can find.
- When Ming kicks the ball back at Huey, a blast of light-blue-colored fire shoots out of the sole of her shoe. This is a reference to Princess Azula 's blue-colored firebending in the 2005 Nickelodeon series, Avatar: The Last Airbender
- Uncle Ruckus calling Long-dou "Chairman Mao" is an obvious reference to the Chinese Philosopher/Revolutionist, Mao Zedong.